The best indicator that someone is trustworthy is their willingness to do everything in their power to ensure that relying on your trust in them isn't your unique source of security.
They will happily agree to various types of guarantees and fail-safes that ensure everybody's needs are met. They have nothing to hide, no secret machinations, and no insecurities about their own motives and integrity, so they're cool with it. They may even suggest them proactively.
In the context of business deals, it means gladly going along with various safety measures like putting agreements into official writing, paying an upfront partial deposit, using transaction platforms with buyer protections and dispute recourses, etc.
In the context of relationships, they'll have no qualms about producing an STD report before engaging in sexual intercourse. They will also not take a request to draft a prenup before marriage as a personal affront.
In this last scenario, it's usually a man who makes the request and a distraught and offended woman who is likely to react poorly to the proposition, so let me give you a reversed example for balance.
I've heard about some women wanting to have an escape suitcase at the ready in case the relationship veers into abuse. I personally wouldn't have a problem with it, provided it was a precaution on principle and not specifically targeted at me. After all, I could get brain damage in an accident and suddenly become unpredictable and violent. It's unlikely but technically possibleThere are recorded cases of this happening. Check out Phineas Gage if you want one famous example. There are also several Ted Talks on the topic.. And in that case, present non-brain-damaged me would want them to be safe from potential future brain-damaged me.
However, if my partner were to believe I'm quite plausibly a potential abuser in my current state, they shouldn't even get into a relationship with me in the first place, and I wouldn’t want to be with them either.
I understand that having to jump through safety hoops can elicit feelings of disappointment and sadness. Ideally, we would want to be trusted on the basis of our words. But, with high stakes and considering the vagaries of the future, insisting on operating solely on trusting you're good for your word, now and forevermore, while resisting reasonable insurance procedures is definitely a red flag in my eyes.
Guilt-tripping someone by playing on your mutual history, their investment in the relationship, and/or their general agreeableness to coerce them into yielding in spite of their reservations is very sus to me. It should give you pause when someone starts pulling out the violins, "Come on, just go along without guarantees. Don't you even trust me? I deserve better than this."
The truth in these situations is that there is nothing personal or targeted about it. I don't think you specifically are out to fuck me over. It's just a generalized policy I follow to stay safe. It's not about you or me as individuals. It's about setting healthy boundaries.
When I put on a seatbelt, I'm not trying to suggest that my driver is a raging lunatic. And if your driver starts throwing a temper tantrum over what they feel you putting on your seatbelt implies about them or your relationship, I think this would be a legitimate cause for concern. Personally, I'd get out of that car pronto.
That's not to say I can't appreciate the beauty of relying purely on your faith in someone. That's part of the salt of human life. I'm also not claiming that doing so is never warranted.
That being said, it shouldn't serve as the standard first resort either. If it's not the only recourse, why not go for extra security? If you care about them, don't you want to cover their ass? Plus in so doing, you're also covering yours from any aspersions of underdealings.
Then you don't need to stress out about them stressing out over whether trusting you is the right call. No need for worry either way. The fail-safe carries that burden for everyone involved.
The fact you were amenable to backup contingencies in itself is another source of reassurance. Someone who's out to get you will probably not happily agree to restrict their ability for treachery down the line, except if it's some really involved and twisted long con.
Overall, a trustworthy person is keenly aware that trust is earned over time and through repeated actions. Reputations are built on track records. Every time you forego a prisoner's dilemma defection and do not screw a partner over for short-term personal gain, you accrue goodwill and confidence.
So ultimately the least entitled someone feels about your trust in them the more trustworthy they are.
If you liked this post, you might also enjoy: